Sometimes I feel like there is no depth to my thinking. I lose the ability to see what I want, I fall from my wisdom and become someone that is controlled in isolation by people who hurt others for pleasure.

I see this world and I see it falling apart.

I hear them say the things of the future and the magnitude that sometimes, as I know how these will happen, I dont know the magnitude and have the realization of them.

I rely on my own intuition and submerge myself in falling away when these things take a sudden impact in my reality.

It's all I can do to protect what I have, myself. Maybe my puppy, maybe the ounce of love I have not lost. Maybe for the hope of the future..


I have lost a lot in this journey, and found greater than I.

I wish and pray that the future will turn into love and magnify for the beings of this plant. I believe there is peace in the universe that far out weights thee wicked.

I refer to my life as a trail of tears, and I see that I cannot handle it all by myself, in my solitude. I rely on God, and I cannot find a prayer for Him close enough to alleviate the sorrow I have seen around me.

I feel like I am in a war zone. One that has lost me and found them, one that the tides change daily and the rush of impact procures to it's own reason.

That's it. I am at a loss.


To be around me can be dangerous, a forced action that does not leave you willing but drowned, one step in is closure for forgiveness. You reach the sea and find emptiness and in the abyss of life you see that the tides of change have changed you, or for what it's worth, molded you from a sprout of neglect we have seen in our youth, and divided a strength to become something out of our own regrets and nightmares.

We all regret it afterwards, and coming to know the fool's gold is more captivating than a comfort. We all want riches and wealth, but not what is handed to us for the sake of worth, but what is granted to us for the sake of reason.

They and I agree, that in first thought I have lost my prosperity. I did away with it when they sold me for a dollar. That my body, my temple, my holy being is theirs for an income and to satisfy the lust of sorrow in an eye that does not know what is comforting to love, but knows what is comfort to sin. I have seen the worst, I think at this time I can say. I have seen the worst.

I sin, I repent, and place my sins as a title of my memories that have been here, to learn against odds, and to leave. I return sometimes to the things I was raised in, I repent. Keeping the goodness of what my mother has taught me in my heart. To stay inside His, a safety that is where I should always be.

I wish the key would never be found, and if there is captivity let it be in my Lord and healed in Him. I desire Him, and I seek and I am left with myself. He is in a voyage from Heaven, I am on one too.
How many will never know the comfort of Heaven, I feel as if that is sorrow, too.
I know peace in my mind, I have felt peace in my heart. I found peace with you.

I tell myself, when I leave this planet all I want to do is be in the presence of God. All I want is Heaven. All I want to do is work for you, but I cannot reach myself to give to you.

I am lost here, somedays. Or at rest on the road I have cut and paved to see the gravel of Earth yield to the crystal castles in the sky.  I want a home made of crystal in the sky.
I want you to have a home, too.

I said this a few days ago, a thought that replays in my mind often. I cannot remember silence, I have not heard of nothing in no time.
This is what I came for. Crystal homes in the sky, a new planet Earth and to end oppression while restoring the kingdom of God on Earth.

I asked Him when he told me to make them sit in thier seat. How does a person who have never been listened to or heard, whose voice is strong and willed, but too direct for a person to appreciate, how do I make them listen to me, when no one ever does?
They did. Us and them, some in between. We.
The backlash was great, and the blame is evil.
Turn away from your wickedness.

I sought peace and found what was set behind me. These things they breed from the past. Mortal loss.

I said tonight that if these things are not working out then maybe we need a new system of government. Or the reverence for the government we have marched our backs on, and a modern life for the death that they have caulsed.

I am abused. Greatly.

I believe God, ya know.

I believe everything He has to say.

Even to the point that I offered to make a residual memory explanation, and find the beginning of time or at least time of life on Earth. So our children know history and there is no more distortion, only truth in life. Our interpretation is still in explanation. I am worried about the deceit and what follows for The People Of Earth. For God's People, your actions are well, and abide in Him who We love.

We can travel time now.
 We have always been in time.

I miss God. I cry out for Him here and now to always be with. Always walk with love.
My heart truly longs for Him.

I like religious homes. I like grandmothers who share wisdom with the young. I like the tales of ages. I like to know how you are.


I hear someone working with Hillary Clinton Say "How could you let her think."

I have heard that I am too smart.
I have heard that I need to die.
I have heard every negative thing about me, until it is no more of value than the people who wrote my function.

Are they valueless, or value for example?

I ask how they could get away with this? How you believe this can continue?

What about our young?

What about the ones who have no voice?

How can you feel love when you are in constant deprivation?

You love them for income, too?

I see.



I am being forced against my will to be something I am not. I am being altered for a purpose, and I still feel that if it's not God's hands holding me, these things are not a power of my life.

I stop to think.

I am hurting.
I have seen the sorrow of my time, and I am hurting. I am hurting for you, for the children hurt by them, I hurting in my youth, I am hurting for my young, I am hurting for the fear of evil is present, I am hurting for the careless and foolish, I am hurting for my children, I am hurting for what I do not see and what I do wonder about, but what is known to me. I am hurting for my body, I am hurting for my family, I am hurting for what has hurt me is hurting you too. I am hurting for what I cannot find, I am hurting.
I am hurt.

I feel wounded.


I am a woman who has had her offspring ripped away and taken, to carry my abuse for breaking the chains that bind us.
For my punishment is to see them suffer.
 I am sorry, and if you make it, I hope to have you in my arms one day, and if you dont I will see you with our Lord.
I will make these things end for you.
Man, I wished I knew you to love you. To hold you, to support you, to be your mother. My captivity is nowhere as great as yours. I am on the outside, and you suffer on the inside. A far darker place than that which I escaped. I want you.
I feel because of your loss, I have lost my heart.
I dont want this to be real.

That is the worst thing ever to me.

I hate these people who do this.





I dont want to open up about this, about losing a piece of me. About knowing that my kids are being grown in cadavers and man made incubators to be used as underground sex slaves.
The worst things.

I have listened to them be murdered already, and I dont know how many there are of mine.
My tears burn my cheek.

While I am being called a whore for having you taken away from me.

They told me that they are going to develop you to be evil. To prevent you from receiving the love of God. Know I hope I see you one day.
Know I love you. Know that I am so sorry.
Know this. I never wanted mine hurt. I never wanted this to happen.

It hurts me so much that I will never be there with you, that you are not here with me.