I'm using dictation again. I'll try to put in periods because these post without punctuation or kind of hard to read. Today's feelings are… Mixed and anxious. I was cry little bit ago because I was remembering the fact that I lost my family and they're only a portion of them survive in that portion is A mear shadow of what they were and less like I have known them and I more as to how they are becoming. My am my life to see him so disoriented and chaotic I feel so helpless and powerless I feel incredibly saddened and I'm in a very dark and the spear in place. Despair despair spearing yeah something like that. I wish I knew more about how to exchange feelings through verbiage, butbut when I read my previous post I don't feel the translation of emotions that I do while I'm writing. It's kind of like when they first start text and before they had emoji's when you read a text it was just a plain concept of writing there was no emotional connection beside behind what is being said and sometimes for me was hard to follow which also has the whole emoji thing was created because of that . Literally because involved in the system and I'm a social experiment so if I have a hard time interpreting it another as well and it became fixed. I'm a proud sponsor of emoji's.
So I thing about it is the place that I'm working for is not protecting children and a lot of the protection that I gain is because I do protect and I try really hard to fight for humanity I try really hard to keep kids safe and unharmed or unscathed or resilient after entering and in preventable future before these things happen and I try really hard to keep people safe so for not protecting children people are reinforced furthermore into the rounds of hatred and violence that we can mess so they will overcome and try to be able to protect ourselves if that makes sense which there's another example of how I can I relay my emotions or conceptual understanding of what's going on because of my hood it's elaborate and elaborate and clearly thought out but I literally don't have that I'll carry Larry to say things and it's quite annoying that I cannot articulate my understandings. And that was part of my emotional designs are my control was that I was partially retarded and not in the sense of being Deville mentally retarded but in the sense of being stamped and retarded. I know that I've said this before but that's kind of how my mom my mind is. It's like my imagination them expiration of understanding internally and subconsciously is extremely high and acknowledge all. My extern all not acknowledge all egg knowledgeable like not all a good night OK. LOL and outwardly I am kind of average or even sometimes below average and I feel kind of frustrated at this because I literally have to go and find examples of emotional connections to things that I witness and understand and then kind of the sore eyes these the source right the sore eyes the source eyes this sore thesourise. That's all right as these into into into a bounce that I can pounds into a bounty that I can connect for you. It's sooo much added responsibility and double work... everyone almost has to do this to some extent so who am I to complain about this extra measure I must ALWAYS Take. I don't know how long it's gonna take me to write this book and honestly I don't even know if it's ever going to get done because when I try to write is it just sounds stupid I just looks redundant and look stupid it just looks stupid OK I don't know house to put it but it just looks dumb. I'm supposed to say here and describe to you like all the worlds working motives and it's really hard to do such a thing when your vocabulary keeps on being cut short and your articulation is just add a 30% mass and you're trying hard to contemplate what you're thinking and you're trying hard to examine of that and place that in value for another human mind read and it does not equate to your understanding. I feel like I literally have to write an entire for thesis paper on 92% of the things that I have witnessed in my life piece by piece inch by inch metaphor by metaphor and it is an exhausting exploration of examples that I would have to go over for this to be written correctly and in the necessary amount for my book to directly as a man and make things better because there's so much that I mean the extent of what's going on is so extreme that it's basically re-writing the Bible of the modern times and the mop and the Bibles really long it's moderately long it's basically like I'm going to have to write a law dictionary for every single piece of problems I have ever faced and that is Exhausting.
I was reading some of my earlier post today and I'm really thankful that I wrote some stuff down because some of this I forgot and the reminder of it kind of made me a little bit happy zealous I would actually use words Ellis Ellis Ellis zealous there you go Ellis Ellis Ellis Ellis.
I have a lot of ice is in going to quit smoking cigarettes I know they're not going but I'm a smoker and I've been his mother for a while and this new ordinance and Law of the people that I am going to school for keep putting my family and income and try to control his tuition by putting my family supernaturally three cigarettes and food so basically I've been starving for the past couple days eating less than like five 500 cal a day and trying to go around my family parts in the food that I buy or they've been putting HIV and AIDS and I had to make me fall under income and get me really sick and I'm getting want to be over like I tried and I eat my family and I try to live but like today I've just been so overwhelmed that I'm just like give me a fucking cigarette and give me some fucking food and leave me the fuck alone I fucking die happy.
Also today I was on the verge that I was just saying like if I die just let me fucking die honest to God stop keeping me alive stopping we go through this like I've lost all my fucking family nobody loves me I trying to fight for my family and with the ordinances it's really hard because my family keeps on going to encounter in peace by piece they are being dissolved and deteriorated and I I can't pull them out. And then when I did go in the income as like the dream formation I basically got killed so no I didn't come there So now an income there is no for Grace that I know of unless she's like sitting sitting in some of that little fucking STD ridden aids water or reeks Stabley sheen a help reestablish been helping my supernatural encounter reservoirs and shit. There you're cussing again because of frustration. I'm actually really sad like looking down on things and stuff. So I'm still real to the first time and Jen and I am still alive but also I am sitting in the fourth time engine and second I mention dimension dimension area and it's really hard not being on natural earth for me because I was born on natural earth and it makes me kind of depressed. I said today when I was walking out of McDonald's that if you want to cars like super hyper paranoia me placing me in an area where there are no original beings and it's all made up and income does cause me to be a little psychotic and a little unstable. And I'm afraid that because I'm working under a person that doesn't want to protect children that are going to do all their power to basically pays me apart so I'm not Grace here which I'm not I'm down to very few Grace parts and my brother is being made in the way and Julia's been eight in the way and they're going to play new and come out and come new income income. Oh and doppelgängers of my family and i'm really discouraged because I am not going to be able like I'm having a really hard time saving them and I've never really had this hard of a time and I'm nervous as much difficulty all that you're going to income often like I'm typically able to pull them out we cannot because I love them more because I try to do the right action but even me basically starving myself and do you hydrating myself and quitting smoking or cutting down smoking because I am at it very high stress avoid the smoke it's not it's not preventing the murder and it's incredibly difficult because when I went into income I basically do the tables turn around me because I was in there and I was a map to murder anybody what they were bothering me so is trying to take over people but and I was doing a good job then I basically got asked out of it like the back of me because I'm only like half there and I'm not completely that person so I don't have my full visual and like I was set up every time to just be taking over murdered and poof there goes me an income and it literally happened in like two days and I don't even know how and how that happened but it just happened to me. So while I'm out there in income in like the fifth time and channel stuff on going to that like I don't look like Grace and I you know basically I woke sleep state and I can't I can't get out of it I try to hide myself like I was doing well and I got all my body I got my body parts back that I was able to get back and then one not wrong move and all sudden I'm fucking dead and I try to save my brother and my sister and my aunt and this is why am so discouraged their original parts in their original beans and I just could not do it like I just wasn't able to because everything everything is a rational reasonable way to go about these things will turn around on me because I wasn't fully Grace and I couldn't use Grace powers because I'm not bound to the laws of Gracie more bound to the laws of another person and there and they're using that against and it worked because I don't have enough knowledge or understanding of other people because I'd never going to incomes is relatively new for me and I basically guy in the life so I literally am not too much grace but he does say that like internally I'm for Grace so I don't now. The laws are set up internally are kind a makeshift and whatever's for the other person because I see him today if you want to do anything right at this point like they killed my sister it was an illegal kill it was Ashley when I got back to the freaking office I told her that my sister was died and she was that through income she said no and the look on her face she was like yeah I know I did that and like I wanted to reach across the table and fuck that bitch up literally fuck that bitch up. So I spent the next two days trying to get my sister into a coffin instead of her being tortured for the rest of eternity and part of her going to go often and part of her still being tortured so there are two more alive and that makes her live in 2012 still or in other places and since they did it illegally it's hard to catch onto the system because latest turn off my sisters oxygen and made her pass out and they wouldn't let her in consciousness. So now I'm looking for a new job because I don't want to work on the lease people because they put me to the four dimension and they said her get to me and they are going out to my family parties and murdering them and they murdered my sister and I are trying to take over everybody and they took over my Facebook and they're trying to sell my Instagram and take over that for everybody to use or to miss place it in the future and they're also try to take of my blogger and bar above I have some of this I really don't understand so I can't tell you like ownership internally fully it's basically like it's basically like will give you an ongoing on this living person will have like the head of me or something is basically on the seventh person then let's say remember but that's why you know the original life was established and that's why the original life is so important because you know you're always I'm still me even though like I've been pieced part and stuff like I haven't fully change like today I'm just a little disgruntled and I don't care about like being controlled and stuff so I'm just doing whatever I want regardless of the consequences because at this at this point I'm just fed up and I really don't have fucking any regard for anybody even though like I love my brother and I love Julia and I love my sister and stuff like I am smoking a fucking cigarette I ate too fucking sausage McMuffin and had one fucking salad covered in fucking HIV I drink a fucking large fucking sweet tea and if you guys were in there I'm sorry but I'm starving I am emotionally fucking on study I fucking want to cigarette I'm crying I'm when somebody says it's Gabe I stop at some basis it's Julia I stop but then controlling me is just going to maybe go to opposite way and I really can't fucking do this anymore because everything that I've tried has defeated you and it's put you in income and it's murdered you even if I try to go around the stuff and I don't know how to prevent there anymore and I'm fucking worried about my fucking house and I'm worried about fucking notworried about my fucking health and I'm worried about you know not getting them food because like it literally could be like oh well she hasn't ate enough so let's make all her hair fall outor her blood sugar rise and all the sudden I'm in the fucking hospital so to prevent the foreseeable future of me fucking being fucking hurt again I fucking ate all right by eight and I smoke some cigarettes and I fucking cried by eight and I smoke some cigarettes and I fucking cried.
So I thing about it is the place that I'm working for is not protecting children and a lot of the protection that I gain is because I do protect and I try really hard to fight for humanity I try really hard to keep kids safe and unharmed or unscathed or resilient after entering and in preventable future before these things happen and I try really hard to keep people safe so for not protecting children people are reinforced furthermore into the rounds of hatred and violence that we can mess so they will overcome and try to be able to protect ourselves if that makes sense which there's another example of how I can I relay my emotions or conceptual understanding of what's going on because of my hood it's elaborate and elaborate and clearly thought out but I literally don't have that I'll carry Larry to say things and it's quite annoying that I cannot articulate my understandings. And that was part of my emotional designs are my control was that I was partially retarded and not in the sense of being Deville mentally retarded but in the sense of being stamped and retarded. I know that I've said this before but that's kind of how my mom my mind is. It's like my imagination them expiration of understanding internally and subconsciously is extremely high and acknowledge all. My extern all not acknowledge all egg knowledgeable like not all a good night OK. LOL and outwardly I am kind of average or even sometimes below average and I feel kind of frustrated at this because I literally have to go and find examples of emotional connections to things that I witness and understand and then kind of the sore eyes these the source right the sore eyes the source eyes this sore thesourise. That's all right as these into into into a bounce that I can pounds into a bounty that I can connect for you. It's sooo much added responsibility and double work... everyone almost has to do this to some extent so who am I to complain about this extra measure I must ALWAYS Take. I don't know how long it's gonna take me to write this book and honestly I don't even know if it's ever going to get done because when I try to write is it just sounds stupid I just looks redundant and look stupid it just looks stupid OK I don't know house to put it but it just looks dumb. I'm supposed to say here and describe to you like all the worlds working motives and it's really hard to do such a thing when your vocabulary keeps on being cut short and your articulation is just add a 30% mass and you're trying hard to contemplate what you're thinking and you're trying hard to examine of that and place that in value for another human mind read and it does not equate to your understanding. I feel like I literally have to write an entire for thesis paper on 92% of the things that I have witnessed in my life piece by piece inch by inch metaphor by metaphor and it is an exhausting exploration of examples that I would have to go over for this to be written correctly and in the necessary amount for my book to directly as a man and make things better because there's so much that I mean the extent of what's going on is so extreme that it's basically re-writing the Bible of the modern times and the mop and the Bibles really long it's moderately long it's basically like I'm going to have to write a law dictionary for every single piece of problems I have ever faced and that is Exhausting.
I was reading some of my earlier post today and I'm really thankful that I wrote some stuff down because some of this I forgot and the reminder of it kind of made me a little bit happy zealous I would actually use words Ellis Ellis Ellis zealous there you go Ellis Ellis Ellis Ellis.
I have a lot of ice is in going to quit smoking cigarettes I know they're not going but I'm a smoker and I've been his mother for a while and this new ordinance and Law of the people that I am going to school for keep putting my family and income and try to control his tuition by putting my family supernaturally three cigarettes and food so basically I've been starving for the past couple days eating less than like five 500 cal a day and trying to go around my family parts in the food that I buy or they've been putting HIV and AIDS and I had to make me fall under income and get me really sick and I'm getting want to be over like I tried and I eat my family and I try to live but like today I've just been so overwhelmed that I'm just like give me a fucking cigarette and give me some fucking food and leave me the fuck alone I fucking die happy.
Also today I was on the verge that I was just saying like if I die just let me fucking die honest to God stop keeping me alive stopping we go through this like I've lost all my fucking family nobody loves me I trying to fight for my family and with the ordinances it's really hard because my family keeps on going to encounter in peace by piece they are being dissolved and deteriorated and I I can't pull them out. And then when I did go in the income as like the dream formation I basically got killed so no I didn't come there So now an income there is no for Grace that I know of unless she's like sitting sitting in some of that little fucking STD ridden aids water or reeks Stabley sheen a help reestablish been helping my supernatural encounter reservoirs and shit. There you're cussing again because of frustration. I'm actually really sad like looking down on things and stuff. So I'm still real to the first time and Jen and I am still alive but also I am sitting in the fourth time engine and second I mention dimension dimension area and it's really hard not being on natural earth for me because I was born on natural earth and it makes me kind of depressed. I said today when I was walking out of McDonald's that if you want to cars like super hyper paranoia me placing me in an area where there are no original beings and it's all made up and income does cause me to be a little psychotic and a little unstable. And I'm afraid that because I'm working under a person that doesn't want to protect children that are going to do all their power to basically pays me apart so I'm not Grace here which I'm not I'm down to very few Grace parts and my brother is being made in the way and Julia's been eight in the way and they're going to play new and come out and come new income income. Oh and doppelgängers of my family and i'm really discouraged because I am not going to be able like I'm having a really hard time saving them and I've never really had this hard of a time and I'm nervous as much difficulty all that you're going to income often like I'm typically able to pull them out we cannot because I love them more because I try to do the right action but even me basically starving myself and do you hydrating myself and quitting smoking or cutting down smoking because I am at it very high stress avoid the smoke it's not it's not preventing the murder and it's incredibly difficult because when I went into income I basically do the tables turn around me because I was in there and I was a map to murder anybody what they were bothering me so is trying to take over people but and I was doing a good job then I basically got asked out of it like the back of me because I'm only like half there and I'm not completely that person so I don't have my full visual and like I was set up every time to just be taking over murdered and poof there goes me an income and it literally happened in like two days and I don't even know how and how that happened but it just happened to me. So while I'm out there in income in like the fifth time and channel stuff on going to that like I don't look like Grace and I you know basically I woke sleep state and I can't I can't get out of it I try to hide myself like I was doing well and I got all my body I got my body parts back that I was able to get back and then one not wrong move and all sudden I'm fucking dead and I try to save my brother and my sister and my aunt and this is why am so discouraged their original parts in their original beans and I just could not do it like I just wasn't able to because everything everything is a rational reasonable way to go about these things will turn around on me because I wasn't fully Grace and I couldn't use Grace powers because I'm not bound to the laws of Gracie more bound to the laws of another person and there and they're using that against and it worked because I don't have enough knowledge or understanding of other people because I'd never going to incomes is relatively new for me and I basically guy in the life so I literally am not too much grace but he does say that like internally I'm for Grace so I don't now. The laws are set up internally are kind a makeshift and whatever's for the other person because I see him today if you want to do anything right at this point like they killed my sister it was an illegal kill it was Ashley when I got back to the freaking office I told her that my sister was died and she was that through income she said no and the look on her face she was like yeah I know I did that and like I wanted to reach across the table and fuck that bitch up literally fuck that bitch up. So I spent the next two days trying to get my sister into a coffin instead of her being tortured for the rest of eternity and part of her going to go often and part of her still being tortured so there are two more alive and that makes her live in 2012 still or in other places and since they did it illegally it's hard to catch onto the system because latest turn off my sisters oxygen and made her pass out and they wouldn't let her in consciousness. So now I'm looking for a new job because I don't want to work on the lease people because they put me to the four dimension and they said her get to me and they are going out to my family parties and murdering them and they murdered my sister and I are trying to take over everybody and they took over my Facebook and they're trying to sell my Instagram and take over that for everybody to use or to miss place it in the future and they're also try to take of my blogger and bar above I have some of this I really don't understand so I can't tell you like ownership internally fully it's basically like it's basically like will give you an ongoing on this living person will have like the head of me or something is basically on the seventh person then let's say remember but that's why you know the original life was established and that's why the original life is so important because you know you're always I'm still me even though like I've been pieced part and stuff like I haven't fully change like today I'm just a little disgruntled and I don't care about like being controlled and stuff so I'm just doing whatever I want regardless of the consequences because at this at this point I'm just fed up and I really don't have fucking any regard for anybody even though like I love my brother and I love Julia and I love my sister and stuff like I am smoking a fucking cigarette I ate too fucking sausage McMuffin and had one fucking salad covered in fucking HIV I drink a fucking large fucking sweet tea and if you guys were in there I'm sorry but I'm starving I am emotionally fucking on study I fucking want to cigarette I'm crying I'm when somebody says it's Gabe I stop at some basis it's Julia I stop but then controlling me is just going to maybe go to opposite way and I really can't fucking do this anymore because everything that I've tried has defeated you and it's put you in income and it's murdered you even if I try to go around the stuff and I don't know how to prevent there anymore and I'm fucking worried about my fucking house and I'm worried about fucking notworried about my fucking health and I'm worried about you know not getting them food because like it literally could be like oh well she hasn't ate enough so let's make all her hair fall outor her blood sugar rise and all the sudden I'm in the fucking hospital so to prevent the foreseeable future of me fucking being fucking hurt again I fucking ate all right by eight and I smoke some cigarettes and I fucking cried by eight and I smoke some cigarettes and I fucking cried.
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